Why Can't You Understand?
by InsanityisReality
Summary: She thought they were gone. Past ghosts that would haunt her memeories, tear her mind apart- but she thought they were gone. Until one night, six years later, she gets a call from one of the many faces of her past. Now the question is... how will she survive it? Ray/Amanda
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Howl

Disclaimer: I don't own Goosebumps, or any of Mr. Stein's characters.

Warnings: This story is going to be very dark, and very messed up. I'm warning you now if you don't like this kind of content then just walk away before I traumatize you. Rating will be changed later on when the story gets more graphic. I will be sure to put a warning in every chapter to tell you all if something particularly unpleasant comes up. This chapter isn't too bad, so read on.

….

_If you could only see_

_The beast you've made of me_

_I've held it in but now it seems you've set it running free…_

….

Every night it was the same dance. The same beat to her frantic heart- _boom, boom, boom_\- limbs that push at her invisible monsters yet never touch them. She couldn't touch them anymore, just ghosts of memories. For that's where they reside, a memory in her trapped mind that cannot die. You can't kill memories. Try as she might, they come back every night in the form of people with ashy skin and sunken eyes… the eyes of the living dead.

Every dawn it was the same scream. Lungs sting and gasp for air that, until just this moment were smothered by hands that didn't exist. Not anymore. No- that was her fault. She killed them, and the irony was probably funny if she wasn't so sick of their faces, detached misery and hard anger.

_Why can't you understand?_

And she did, really she did, but she didn't want to die. To become one of them was degrading and her young pride and vanity would never allow itself to look like that, to _think_ like that. And the fear, she remembered that too. Fear of the process, the pain, the unknown- all of it. She was a coward.

Every morning the voice of her mother and the rough hands of her father jar her awake and only then does she have to forget, for them. They can't know how much their mistake makes her hate them, how much she wished to just leave them and make them pay for their sins. They- after all- didn't believe her. She tried to tell them, confided in them her fears, but was ignored. Just because she was a child who didn't know any better, she was passed over and silenced.

"Honey, it's okay, it was just another nightmare."

"Are you sure you don't want to go see Dr. Grant again? He seemed to really be helping you those first few months…"

What was never discussed was _why_ she went to see Dr. Grant. And that almost physically hurt. Her parents never wanted to talk about their screw up, never wanted to bring up how all of them almost meeting their untimely ends was all _their_ doing.

"I'm okay."

She knew sessions with a man who wasn't there would never be able to help her. You couldn't begin to grasp that kind of humanity unless you experienced it for yourself. She couldn't escape her own mind, and the sweet, old Doctor would only send her to be locked away and doped up until her mind was all she knew. And that scared her more than the dreams ever could.

"Are you sure, princess?" Her dad strokes her cheek, still wet and red from tears. "We could always schedule an appointment. We are willing to pay for them, it's not about the money."

She almost giggled. No, it wasn't about the money. The sad truth was they'd be willing to pay everything they owned if she could just snap out of whatever the hell was causing their neighbors to look at her like she was a ticking time bomb, or her teachers to stop calling them at work with their concerns, and the kids that stay far away in fear of her wrath should she be poked too hard. She was a freak. A freak who nobody wanted to understand and never would.

"I'm sure. I just need a shower and then I'll be fine."

Her parents share a meaningful look they think she can't see and turn to leave her room, and she's alone once more.

….

_Screaming in the dark _

_I howl when we're apart_

_Drag my teeth across your chest_

_to taste your beating heart… _

….

Josh is the only one who hangs around her at school. Not that he had many friends, after all he's about the only person in the whole world who shares her haunted look whenever they sit in silence. It has a tendency to make for bad company, and many kids would rather not share in their circle of misery.

Not that it really mattered to her anymore. This was her last year of high school, graduation was just months away and all the seniors were edgy with a bad case of 'senioritis'. Whole classes would skip a day to go eat ice cream in the park, or go to some college frat party to waste away in a drunken stupor.

Josh wasn't so lucky. He might only be a year behind her but she could see it was one year too long for her little brother. So on days like this she would find and sit with him at lunch, away from other kids. They would sit and eat without any conversation.

Every once in a great while, she would try to bring _it_ up. In moments like this when all she could do was taste the food in her mouth, which after a bit, would turn to rubber and she would no longer be hungry. She felt it would do both of them some good… Maybe. But she had to learn to get the words right, they always came out too fast, and always a bit too much at once.

"What if we didn't get out?"

It's a loaded question, a mouthful. She got it wrong again. Nobody liked thinking about the 'what ifs' but Amanda dwelled on them constantly. Images flickering like mini movies, _what if we weren't fast enough, what if I'd tripped, what if we'd never moved in the first place?_ She'd probably reviewed every outcome, every possible scenario, at least twice. Constantly changing the smallest detail to play out in her mind, feeding the starving beasts that were her memories.

Josh says nothing. Though, he never said anything anymore, his bit of tragedy to take and wear like a soldier wears his badge of honor. Josh went silent after they got out from- _there_. He never said a word, only bits of mangled whimpers during the night could be heard from his room but other than that the kid was silent. Their parents tried everything, therapy, bribery, punishment, even threats, but all it did was shut him down and reduce him to noiseless tears.

Even now whenever they were alone and she desired nothing more than to face her demons he only withered to nothing right before her eyes. The only thing that got a response from him was to bring up the one thing that tore them all apart as much as it connected them tightly. Josh would go wide-eyed and tighten up like a cornered animal ready for one last fight to freedom, his hands trembling and breaths mere wheezing while his head darted in tiny twitches as if he were back there- back and ready to be consumed by her monsters.

His bravery that day was astounding, she never knew a warrior could emerge so quickly from such a little boy. But it did. He took charge and saved them, her fear-quick wit and his willingness to fight for them all saved her little family, but it seemed his strength was all but left behind at that horrid place, trapped by the evil that resided there.

"Nevermind Josh… You don't have to say anything."

And he didn't.

….

_The saints can't help me now_

_The ropes have been unbound_

_I hunt for you with bloody feet_

_across the hallowed ground…_

….

Amanda and Josh took the same route home as they did every afternoon, and they always took it alone. Kids never came this way, the heat from the sun too much for them this time of year, so they kept to the shade of the trees and took the forest route.

For both Benson children, trees were the enemy.

Like the small children they once were, they each walked a bit closer together and their eyes stray over to the darkened paths of the woods, and maybe the shadows that waver with the swing of the breeze are the very beasts they still run from.

They arrive at their home with the sun still high and the sound of shoes striking the porch steps alert the dog on the other side of the front door, and her bark rings clear. She was a present for Josh when he turned fifteen, and in turn he ignored its presence for two years after. Amanda charmingly named it FU, despite her parent's chagrin. They both hated that dog, and everything it represented, and their parents could only shake their heads and wonder why.

FU waggled her long tail in happiness as both kids ceremoniously dumped their backpacks by the door and dragged themselves upstairs without so much as a hello. Not that their parents were home anyway. After Dark Falls both worked long hours and stayed as late as they could bear, and Amanda and Josh spent the evenings alone. Which was fine with them.

Amanda closed her bedroom door and went over to her bed to start on homework, across the hall she heard her brother flop down onto his own bed and- assuming he followed his routine- would sleep straight through until morning. He didn't eat dinner, didn't do homework, and didn't care if he woke up the next morning. But he would, and the nasty cycle would start all over again.

She supposed he wanted to just be dead, maybe it had more to do with the fact that he killed people (dead people, but they seemed alive and that's all that really mattered) she knew it bothered her, too. Their faces… the screaming as their rotted flesh practically melted off their bones, it was seared into both their minds, and Amanda had the suspicion that her dreams were what kept her own brother from getting a good night's rest. That's probably why he went to bed so early, to try and get at least a few good hours before the nightmares kept him from getting any more.

In these past six years since the incident she had perhaps gotten a severe case of insomnia, but she didn't stay in Dr. Grant's sessions long enough for a proper diagnosis. However, she didn't need a doctor to tell her she had sleeping problems. The dark circles that hung beneath her eyes was proof enough of that.

Math problems began to blur on lined paper as her eyes feel heavy. She shakes her head once, twice, then sits up straighter in an attempt to stay awake.

Deciding her stomach needed something to eat she gets up to wander downstairs. There wouldn't be anything but freezer meals and snacks, but a bag of chips before bed sounded good enough, she wasn't really that hungry anyway.

FU was laying by a vent fast asleep, at least, until she walked by and it peeked its head up in curiosity. Amanda didn't even glance at her on her way to the kitchen. That thing would, in her mind, never replace Petey. Josh practically hissed at the dog whenever it went near him and seemed to smile when she proudly named it in a moment of shocked anger when their parents brought it home.

"_I'll be good, for all of us." _Her mom the ignorant optimist.

"_Why don't you name her, Josh?" _

Josh had stood with a look of utter betrayal on his face, and for a moment, they thought that with the way his mouth moved he would finally say something, but all that came out was a pathetic whoosh of air. Amanda was angry- so angry she put away that respectful tone she normally used with her parents in favor of a harsh "_How about FU? Sounds __**fitting**_". Oh she was punished for that one. Her mother had huffed scornfully whenever she walked into a room for weeks afterward. But the name stuck and now even her mother would call out the dog by its degrading title when she thought no one was around.

Amanda grabbed a small bag of Lays chips before turning around to go back upstairs. On her way she passed the house phone that hung on the wall by the kitchen entrance. The only calls they ever received were from either her parents, or the random telemarketer, other than that all calls were received on the cellphones her parents carried with them.

So when it suddenly began to ring, she thought nothing of it.

Not wanting to upset her parents after this morning's wakeup call, Amanda picked up the phone to answer.

"Good evening, Benson residen-"

"Hello, Amanda."

"_We just need to feed!" "We promise it won't hurt- in fact, you don't feel a thing!" Hands the color of the sky when it weeps… sunken eyes a bloody red… run run run as fast as you can...oh the agony "Why can't you just understand!?" "WE NEED TO FEED!" _

The phone fell from her grip and hit the wall with such sudden clarity- she didn't even realise she dropped it.

Her head hurt. Breathing hurt. The world spun too fast and before she knew it, she was kneeling down in a servant's bow to the phone now swinging back and forth. That voice, no that voice was gone- Josh had… No, they **both** had.

Her hands scrambled for the phone, and once she had it she brought it to her ear like a deaf person hearing for the first time. She hoped her grip didn't break it- though the ominous creak from the plastic told her to loosen her hold.

Dial tone.

Her breath came rushing out of her lungs as she sunk all the way to the floor. She sat heavily, staring at the phone in her hand. Was she going mad?

Or was she already there?

….

Okay, that was hard, but worth it. Depending on the feedback, I might update within the week or the next.

Let me explain a few things- first of all this fic is being written for me to cope with some pretty messed up shit I've been going through this past month or so, so in no way is this story going to be fluffy and consensual. Next I'd like to say that I will do my best to adequately warn anyone when something could trigger or make anyone feel uncomfortable, this story won't be like "rape rape rape rape" all the way through but the relationship between Amanda and Ray is going to be rough and messed up, that being said I do want to keep my readers safe so be sure to read the warnings before each chapter to make sure you feel comfortable reading it. Also keep in mind I am willing to take suggestions for this story if you guys want something done and it fits I'd be more than willing to invite you all to write this story along with me.

I do want to address right now though, again, if you don't like stories like this- don't read mine. I mean it. It won't be too bizarre and explicit, however I want to depict what I think this particular situation would be like mixed with a relationship. Ray in this story is not a nice guy, he's not sweet or charming, and is definitely a jackass in every sense of the word, and he's not going to be nice to the girl who killed him and his people.

The rating is T for now, but as we get further in the rating will be changed to M and I will be sure to let you know beforehand when I change it.

Amanda is eighteen in this story, and little Joshy is seventeen. Yes, he is mute, and yes, he will remain that way until further notice.

One more thing! Every chapter is going to be centered around a song, I will be sure to put the name and artist each chapter. This song was Howl by Florence and the Machine.

Till next time,

IiR


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: The Preyingmantis

Disclaimer: I don't own Goosebumps

**Warnings: Some language, character death, gore, disturbing imagery. **

Song used: The Preyingmantis by Porcelain and the Tramps

….

_I remember when you told me,_

_I'm driving you crazy…_

_I remember when you used to call me _

_your baby... _

….

Was she mad?

It wasn't until she felt arms wrap around her that she realised something was very wrong. Her brother held a look of utter panic, and when her mind resurfaced the rawness of her throat told her she was screaming. The phone was still clutched in one hand while the other dug into her very brain in such terror, as if trying to hold in her sanity. The world was reduced to hot tears, and she was pretty sure drool began to slide down her chin. Josh was shaking her shoulders, his mouth moving uselessly with words he no longer knew how to speak.

He was crying too, she realized. His face mirrored her own as the connection between them strained with her croaking voice. Tomorrow speaking would be near impossible.

Josh's hands traveled to her waist and began tugging her towards the couch in the living room. She followed easily, letting him guide her and sitting down with him. His arms crushed her into his chest, caging her in an embrace that was all warmth and muscle. It was only then, that her voice gave out to hollowed sobs.

She came to understand not too long ago that her little brother wasn't so little anymore, in fact, he dwarfed her frame quite easily and she began to relax into his barreled chest. How he got to be so big was beyond her, with the way he constantly shrunk over the years with growing fear and anxiety. But it seemed he was simply in hiding and now stood before her a young man.

Josh pet his sister's soft hair in comfort, he didn't know what had caused her to scream like that, but when he heard her voice ring out from his room- waking him from dead sleep- he was by her side in an instant. She hadn't screamed like that in years. Not since she went and saw that doctor-what's-his-name after… It was frightening.

He wanted to tell her she was going to be okay, but all that came out was air, and it was then he knew speaking would never again be an option for him.

He had first stopped speaking because he didn't want to, and for the first few months he got away with it. Then his parents had tried to _make_ him speak and so the next year or so he did it out of defiance. But then when two years turned into six his voice was denied to him altogether. Sometimes he would sit in his room and try out a few small phrases "hello" "how are you", but all he could do was listen as his voice refused him. Even now, when he wanted nothing more than to say something for his sister, just for her, he couldn't.

She had stopped screaming, and now sniffled as she dug her head further into him as if trying to melt and become one with him. He just sat there and let her, she was so small to him, and he knew he could never let anything happen to her. She was just too damn tiny.

"I'm sorry for scaring you Joshy." She said, her voice scratchy.

Gently, he pulled away from her and looked down into her eyes. His sister was truly a pretty girl, but the years without sleep had done a number on her appearance. She was paler, and skinny, almost undernourished and that made her look rather frail. She reminded him of a baby bird.

He gently shook her shoulders in question.

She wouldn't look at him, and he knew then that she was about to lie. Amanda had always been a lousy liar, and an even lousier secret keeper, even now she was an open book- though she liked to believe otherwise. "It's nothing Josh. I just got scared… I thought- I thought I heard a noise and it just scared me is all. I promise."

He knew better, but he let her get away with it. If he was honest with himself he would admit that whatever scared her, would scare him just as much, and therefore he let her keep it from him… He was a coward in this way. Since that night all those years ago, he let his big sister shield him from the monsters. Every now and then she would attempt to talk to him about it, and bless her she only did it to lessen the pain, but he wanted nothing to do with it. He lived that accident every single time he went to sleep, he didn't want to face it in the daylight too.

Amanda stood up from the couch and walked back upstairs, whispering a 'goodnight' in passing. His ears followed her trek up the stairs on shaky legs, then to her bedroom. He heard her door close, and then the house was quiet.

Josh sat there for another couple of minutes, watching the phone attached to the wall sway from side to side where Amanda had left it. Who called? Someone obviously had, and that's probably what set his sister off, Amanda wasn't known for screaming randomly in the middle of the night. They were all messed up by what happened, but none of them were crazy.

Josh walked over to retrieve the phone and hung it back into place. He then turned around to go back upstairs when he heard _her_ nearby.

The dog was somewhere in the kitchen, whimpering from hunger because once again, nobody had fed her. Josh entered the kitchen and found the dog by her food dish, laying with such a forlorn expression he bent down to retrieve the bowl with a swiftness. He filled it up and made sure she had fresh water before he ran his hand down her back once, only then did he move upstairs to retire.

But when he reached the banister, the phone began to ring.

His whole body flexed in tension and he froze.

He waited for the tell-tale sign that Amanda had awoken from her slumber, but the only sound was the continuous ring of the phone. Relieved she hadn't heard it, he ran over and picked up the receiver, making sure to press the 'record' button as he did so.

He waited.

But the other end of the line was silent. He heard absolutely nothing, not even breathing. And for what seemed like forever he just stood and listened to stillness, waiting for something to happen.

Nothing did…

Then, without even hearing a click, the dial tone loudly blared into his unsuspecting ear and he jumped ten feet out of his skin.

'_Shit' _he thought, clutching his heart and demanding it slow down. What in the hell was that about? Was that what had made Amanda scream? It sure scared the shit outta him. But still… something was just- off. Why would someone call only to hang up? He supposed it could have been a prank caller, but it wasn't a very good prank call- no jokes, no heavy breathing- and he would know all about good prank calls (his entire boyhood was spent prank calling his neighbor Mrs. Hanson, a crotchety old woman who lived three doors down). Then there was the possibility of a wrong number dialer… but accidentally calling the same house twice?

Maybe he was just being paranoid, or maybe he was only overthinking. Amanda had said it was nothing, despite him believing it to be a lie maybe she really was telling the truth? Whatever it was, maybe it should be left alone and he could think on it more in the morning. Reluctantly, he went up to his room and shut the door, crawling into bed before drowning in nighttime terrors.

….

_And I don't think I am who you want me to be,_

_I'm sorry it took you this long just to see,_

_That I'm rolling and rolling around in my mind..._

….

Amanda woke the next morning without waking up her parents, which, she was thankful for. They would have sent her straight to the nearest emergency room… or psych ward. Today she looked especially dreadful- bloodshot eyes, red, swollen cheeks that were wet from crying, and now blue bruises could be seen peeking out from underneath her hair from where she had punished herself last night cruelly with her knuckles.

Last night…

She didn't want to dwell on what had come over her- what was _wrong _with her. That phone call… that voice she thought she heard. It sounded so clear, so utterly fucking loud in her mind. But now she was only left with the horrible realization that it might not have been real. Or, the just as dangerous outcome of what if it _had_ been? Things like this replaying over and over till she woke up exhausted and achy.

She hauled herself from her bed and wandered down to the bathroom, on the way pausing to knock on Josh's door to rouse him if he wasn't already up. After she took a hot shower she then went back her bedroom to change for the day.

On their way to school they passed some kids still waiting for the buses to make their rounds, and it was nothing but awkward silence as they parted like the red sea to make way for the unfortunate Benson children. There were whispers, like why such beautiful kids looked so disturbed, or why the boy never spoke- _was he mute?_\- or why the girl was so thin- _was she born that way or did she __**starve**_ _herself_?- _how disgusting_.

They ignored them, as they always had, and continued to school where they parted ways and then were completely alone till lunch.

Amanda's classes were easy enough, most of the teachers knew the seniors were losing more and more interest by the day, and so made their classes credit or no credit by according to how many days you skipped. Most had five-day limits, and then after you used up those days, they started to subtract points from your grade, and once you hit that D average or lower you lost credit for the class. Other teachers were a bit more lenient with this general rule of thumb and went by if they thought you at least put in some effort, even if that effort was little to nonexistent, and let you slide by with a passing grade.

Amanda used to be a fantastic student, and Josh's grades were nothing to sneeze at either. But now both struggled to keep an interest in things like this- things that didn't really matter in the big scheme of life. Their parents tried to stress the importance of school, and how they needed to put in more effort if they wanted to graduate.

A lot of good that did them.

They still did pretty well, and didn't totally slack off, but to bring home a 2.7 average was the norm nowadays for both of them.

Soon the bell signaling the end of third period ended and her heart lurched a bit in happiness. Lunchtime was the only time she got to spend with Josh, and right now his presence was her own security blanket. Since last night she stuck to his side like glue, the only reason she didn't ask to sleep in his bedroom was that voice in the back of her mind saying she wasn't a little girl anymore, that and pride yelling it was far too degrading.

He was in his usual spot in the very back in the cafeteria. Their table was truly theirs- no one wanted to risk sitting with them so the table was never crowded or dirty when she sat down. Not even other lunches sat there.

"Hi Josh." She said sitting down with a smile, which he returned.

They both packed a lunch that they shared, neither of them eating very much so they just put everything into one bag. He handed her a sandwich while he snacked on his chips, looking down at his lap with a small frown and drawn brow. That was what their mother called his 'contemplating face'.

"What are you thinking about, Josh?"

He looked up at her, and for a moment she thought he wanted to ask her something, but his frown grew to frustration and he bowed his head again.

"That's okay, you don't have to tell me. It was stupid for me to ask anyway."

Her throat was surprisingly okay today, and other than an unusual gruffness talking didn't hurt as much as she thought it would. She knew Josh had been wanting to ask her what had frightened her, and part of her wanted to tell him, but the other half would vindictively sneer that if he knew she might be one step closer to the looney bin.

….

_I hung you on a limb,_

_Made you bend over_

_Backwards on a sin,_

_Quit crying on my shoulder…_

….

They came home to an empty house, save for the barking that greeted them everyday when they reached the porch steps. Instead of going straight to their rooms they used some saved allowance to order a pizza, while they each did their homework in the kitchen at the dining table.

Josh kept glancing at his sister, who had suddenly picked up the bad habit of staring at the phone hanging up on the wall like it was about to jump out and kill her. She had math laid out in messy piles, scattered papers and her book a temporary rest for her elbow, and yet once her eyes swayed to the phone she hadn't taken them off of it. Her homework lay untried and her mind far away from even him.

Was she expecting a call?

He hadn't seen her this tense in a long time, and that was saying something considering the circumstances. Amanda had the tendency to wilt, like a flower separated from the sun, but she had never been… paranoid. Sadness, anger, happiness, fear, all of these she expressed- but he had never seen her so obsessively anxious.

The pizza arrived a little bit late, but they didn't demand a discount and the guy didn't push it. He handed over the large box and grinned.

"Oh ya! We got a call from someone who told us to write a message for a… Amanda Benson?"

Amanda looked up from the pizza box she now held, startled. "Who called you?"

"Don't really know, he didn't give a name. He said he was your boyfriend and he wanted to surprise you. All the girls thought it was cute, know what I mean? And they couldn't say no to the guy."

"Oh," Amanda's face was white. "H-have a good night."

"Yeah, you too. Enjoy your pizza!" And with that he ran to his car and sped off.

Josh was confused, even more so since this morning. Boyfriend? Amanda didn't have a boyfriend… or friends, for that matter. Unless she had been seeing someone behind his back? But why would she do a thing like that?

Amanda hadn't moved from her spot, now clutching the pizza like it needed to be restrained. Her whole body was shaking, and she looked about three seconds away from passing out. Josh gently pried her hands away from the box and set it on the coffee table by the couch before going to retrieve his trance-induced sister before she hurt herself.

Her small hands trembled when he took them in his and walked her over to sit on the couch, and then he took the box into the kitchen, setting it down on the counter. He quickly searched the outside- for a scribble of pen or marker- but he didn't see a message anywhere on the outside, so opened up the box… and was greeted with writing in pepperoni.

_I LOVE YOU _

….

_There's nothing left to say,_

_We're beautiful garbage,_

_Throw it all away,_

_Wash you off in the shower…_

….

When Josh went into the kitchen and brought out a pepperoni pizza without a single pepperoni, she knew he'd picked off whatever 'message' had been on it. Despite the fact that it was sweet of him to do so- he managed to irritate her with how he mutilated the entire pizza in his efforts.

"Why did you kill our pizza? Pretty sure they do that on the wild plains of Africa before it even gets to Dominos."

Josh didn't seem to like her joke.

She snorted in irritation, but other than that remained silent. She didn't ask what had been on the pizza, not really wanting to know anyway. Her imagination would have run away with it, when in all reality it could have just been a prank. Just one big prank, that's all this was. She even started to file through faces in her memory bank, trying to pick out a particular creepy boy or lingering stranger that could have learned her name, her address, anything. Different boy's faces sprouted to the surface, older than her, younger, boys in her class. But none stood out to her, none wanted anything to do with her. This didn't make any sense. Perhaps it had been a mistake? Maybe a girl down the block wouldn't be getting her specially made pizza from her loving boyfriend because the pizza guy got the wrong address?

They continued to eat their pizza in silence, every now and again Amanda's eyes strayed to the phone, while Josh's would look to his uneasy sister.

Josh finished first, and giving her one last look, turned to head upstairs.

She sat by herself for a few minutes longer- actually feeling quite hungry for once- and ate three pieces total before she shut the box and stood. She grabbed it and brought it to the kitchen, opening up the refrigerator and placing it in with the rest of their leftovers. Closing the door, she began to retreat to the stairs when FU came trotting into the kitchen.

She snorted, not really in the mood to see the dog she forgot they owned, continuing on past it. The dog, however, wasn't interested in her at all, but was staring intently out the back door, its tail swaying eagerly.

Suddenly, the thing barked loudly, making Amanda leap in shock. She spun around to face the dog, who was still ignoring her in favor of looking outside.

The dog barked again, this time with a whine on the end.

She watched, as the dog continued to bark, each a rapid fire, then it was pacing in the tell-tale sign that it wanted out.

"Shut the hell up, you stupid dog!"

But the dog wouldn't stop, and in fact only seemed to grow in volume and aggression as it ran back and forth near the back door frantically. It was a sliding glass door that led out into a large backyard with a ton of open space surrounded by a ring of thick forest beyond it. Amanda had never been into the back yard, and her brother only went out on occasion to help their dad with tending the lawn.

From where she stood she couldn't see anything out of the ordinary, but that meant nothing to the animal who had begun to cry out in aggravation at being held inside the house. Amanda, not really in the mood for a fight, would have left her to herself- until the dumb thing began to claw mercilessly at the glass.

"Oh no you don't, you little shit!"

Storming over, she grabbed the thing by the collar and began to drag it back towards the living room where a cage was kept in the back corner, next to the TV. It was barely ever used, the dog normally behaved well enough to avoid being locked up at night, but if it wanted to tear up the house Amanda was more than willing to do just that. As she pulled it further and further the dog only seemed to fight harder to get loose from her grip. The sounds coming from it were borderline bizarre as they rose in frequency till it sounded like shrill screaming.

"Stop it! Stop- Ugh, stop… sit!"

But the dog refused to obey. Amanda tried pulling harder on the collar, almost feeling bad because she could feel how much strain the dog's throat was under, breaths coming out ragged and harsh.

"Please stop! Dog, come on, please!" Her demands became pleads because she knew she was hurting it, but it wouldn't back down.

She was halfway to the cage, when the collar (either from lack of strong material or someone not bothering to fasten it correctly) snapped and the dog went flying forward and took off while still in mid fall, and once her feet touched the ground, sprinted to the kitchen. Amanda on the other hand, fell backwards only to land on her butt with a loud _smack._

"Ow! Seriously?!"

She got up slowly, her tailbone screaming for ice and maybe some tylenol. Damn that stupid animal. What in the hell was wrong with it? Never had she seen such odd behavior, not even when FU was in a particularly annoying mood.

There was scratching noises again from the kitchen and Amanda groaned before stomping in there with her best 'stern' look. But the dog ignored her in favor of whatever nonexistence nuisance was outside. The noises she made were horrible impressions of a child crying out.

Amanda had had about enough. With a snarl she unlocked the latch and slid one glass door aside and the dog sprang from inside with an equally foul sound as it sprinted away. The girl watched it run all the way to the edge of the property, right before the ominous line of trees standing like soldiers ready for war. Night was ascending and it only made the forest look even more dreadful than it normally did, shadows dancing wickedly and noises that sounded eerily like moans.

But this is where things got weird.

The dog had stopped abruptly. Right in front of the great expanse of woods it froze in place with a rigid pose, hackles raised and muzzle pulled back to expose its canines. She couldn't hear it from inside the house but she imagined the sound was fearsome.

What in the world was out there?

She stood and continued to watch as the dog backed up a few feet slowly, then barked a couple of times with spittle coming from its frothing mouth. Its tail swung low near the grass, the body held at an angle with the front high while the back was down in a near sit. The legs were spread in a wide stance.

Amazement overtook her at seeing such a dumb and loving mutt turn into a raving beast. Suddenly she wasn't so sure nothing was out there, and her eyes watched on as the dog continued to square off with the darkness of the forest. She scanned the trees, trying to catch what the dog was seeing, but found nothing.

"Uh… Josh?" She called back into the house. "Hey Josh, come here a sec."

She waited for a few minutes, but when his footsteps didn't descend down the stairs, she assumed he hadn't heard her. With one last look at the dog, she turned and ran to find Josh.

He was in his room with headphones in, reading some book about the civil war, at least from what she could tell. At her no doubt freaked out expression, he took out an earbud and turned his attention to her.

"Something's wrong with FU."

He frowned.

"She's acting all weird. I let her out because she was clawing at the back door, and now she's just standing by the woods and going nuts." She didn't even get to finish before Josh was jogging to the stairs with a panicked look, and she tried to keep up with him to explain what was going on.

When they both came to a stop before the sliding glass doors, Amanda did a double-take.

The dog was gone.

The spot where she was last seen was empty. And the barking had stopped completely, leaving the backyard silent as death.

"I- I don't understand… She was right there a second ago." Her finger pointed in order to show Josh.

Her brother's face was white, like somebody had drained all the blood from his veins. He stood there, stiff, and for a moment she was sure he was going to faint.

"Josh? Hey, you okay?"

His eyes were scanning the backyard with slow examination, almost cautious, as if he was waiting for a boogeyman to jump out at any moment. He looked to not even be breathing.

"Hey, Josh?! Hello? Earth-to-Josh!" She waved a hand in front of his face.

Nothing… His eyes didn't stray from their search.

Then, without any warning, he was ripping the glass doors open, leaping over the porch and sprinting across the grass towards the treeline. Amanda's mind took a second to process what it was seeing, but when it did she gasped and ran after him, yelling his name and for him to stop.

Was he mad? She knew Josh was terrified of the woods, both of them were, to go in now with the sun setting would leave them in complete darkness. For a moment she contemplated going back for a flashlight, but decided she couldn't abandon Josh, who was outrunning her.

"Josh! Slow down!"

He kept going, maybe even speeding up, running without guidance or sense of direction through the thick trees. The air was chilly and goosebumps rose up on her arms as they cut the air while she ran. Shadows beckoned from all sides, whispering the faster she sprinted away from them, chasing and grabbing from every tree branch. What little orange was left in the sky only made it seem like the tops of the trees were on fire, blazing, only to leave the ground a black abyss of gnarled roots. One reached out and tripped her, and Amanda fell face first into fresh soil some finding its way into her mouth.

She spat in disgust at the earthy taste, looking up only to find no trace of her brother. The forest was quiet. She shivered.

"Josh?!" She called.

No response.

"Josh!? Please, where are you?!" A near scream this time.

The darkness descended more quickly now, the flames lighting the way all but gone in the twilight, and she was left in despair. Things began to howl and moan throughout the air.

"Josh, I'm scared." She whimpered.

She got up slowly, walking a few feet before calling out to Josh again. When a response failed to reach her, she began to run wildly in a blind panic.

"JOOOOSSSHHH!" She screamed, picking up the pace, eyes darting all around for a glimpse of any movement. Branches were clawing at her face and bare arms brutally, but she was far too frightened to notice.

When she found him, it was at the base of a huge tree, his back to her. His body was kneeling on the ground, shoulders slumped in defeat, and from their shaky movements she knew he was sobbing.

She couldn't see what he was crouched in front of, but when she wandered closer...

The small body was covered in blood-seeping everywhere like a horrid ooze- copper was thick in her nose. She could see bones peeking out at odd angles- broken legs, all four, deliberate breaks by strong hands that snapped each limb like a twig in multiple places. Its head was backwards, and the throat cleanly sliced open.

Bile was rising and out of her mouth before she even realised fully that the remains of their dog was laying before them. Amanda violently bent over and puke came spilling onto the forest floor, but its stench not enough to compare with the blood still misting all around them. Her throat burned with ferocity, her voice crying out into the blackness beside her brother who still sat in the dirt trembling pathetically.

And all around them both _his_ voice, a past come back to taunt them.

"_The dogs are always the first to go. They always know. Always." _

Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

__"_They always know."_

"Josh, I'm sorry- I'm- so… oh Josh!" Hands grab her hair and start to pull.

Josh says nothing, and in that moment she was glad he didn't. She didn't want to hear him crying. She didn't want his blame or his anger, and she certainly didn't want to hear his voice.

"_Always…"_

_**I hate you…**_

….

_I'm gagging myself,_

_I'm brushing out the foul taste_

_you left in my mouth..._

….

I'd like to thank the few of you who read the first chapter, and to the person who reviewed. I look forward to know what you have to say about this chapter. It was rough on me, especially FU's death… I kinda liked her.

Also, I'm looking for a beta for this story. If anyone is interested don't hesitate to PM me! I need all the help I can get.

If you have any questions please PM them to me so I can respond right away.

Thank you all!

IiR


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Seven Devils

Disclaimer: I don't own or make any money from this

**Warnings: Language, self-harm, possible triggers for self-harm. **

Song used: Seven Devils by Florence and the Machine

….

_Holy water _

_Cannot help you now,_

_Thousand armies_

_Couldn't keep me out..._

….

At first, she thought Josh was too lost within his own horror to get up, even as Amanda tugged on his sleeves in urgency. She didn't want to stick around for when whatever did this came back. She called Josh's name a few times to try and make his eyes meet hers, yet his whole body remained sagged in the dirt.

"Josh, come on buddy. You have to get up."

The sun was completely gone at this point, and the forest was an array of terrible noises and darkness. She could barely make out his outline on the ground. All around them was a cold blackness that devoured everything, dancing wickedly and stretching up the lengths of the tall trees like grabbing, spindly hands.

"Josh! Get up!" She reaches down to grab his hand, finding it just inches away from- _that-_ catching it gently in hers and pulling upwards to encourage him to stand, but nearly threw it away when she realized it was slick with blood. A scream catches in the back of her throat.

"Come on." She pulls harder.

Eventually his body stiffly stands with much effort on her part. Once she has him on his feet, Amanda then takes his hand in hers and leads him back in the direction she hopes is their house. His weight is comforting, knowing she wasn't alone, yet it only slows her down and it feels like the harder she pulls the more he resists.

They were obnoxiously loud with their uneven steps and leaves gave away every footfall, but the light in the distance let relief flood her. Whether it was their backyard or not, she just wanted out of these trees.

Fifty yards later they make it to the line between forest and man made soil, and she wants to cry at the sight of their house looming not too far away. She wants to let go of Josh's hand but resists the urge to leave him and sprint to safety, for the weight of him had grown and she knows if she doesn't drag him with her he'll flop back onto the ground again like a dead fish. When they finally reach the glass doors Amanda nearly cries out in happiness as the warm air from inside hits her face along with the smell of home.

What she doesn't expect is the shrill ring of the telephone.

For the first set of rings, both teens simply stare at the phone, and before either of them makes a move to answer it falls silent. They both still stand just in the doorway to the kitchen and when Amanda turns to Josh she then sees the red staining his shirt.

The call forgotten, she pulls Josh further into the house. "We need to get you out of that shirt buddy."

Josh is still looking across the kitchen at the wall phone but she knows he heard her when he begins to tug up his shirt. She can only stare at the blood that soaked through to his chest and now painted his skin.

"Okay, let me take that," She takes his bloody shirt. "and you go take a shower, okay?"

Josh doesn't even nod, but wanders away from her and to the upstairs bathroom. She goes to put his now ruined shirt in the garbage, and once that's done, she sets off to the sink to wash off the blood now all over her hands.

The water is cold when she sticks both hands under the flowing faucet. It feels good, but she soon has to look away when the turned-pink water drains down the sink. Her stomach turns. She has nothing left in her to throw up but she has no doubt that eating anything will be a huge mistake.

Flashes of that mangled, little body flood her mind but she ignores it in favor of taking a scrub brush to her skin. Red still stains her fingernails, dug deep within the tiny crevices outlining the round cuticles. She scrubs harder at each one, trying to get every last bit.

When her vision starts to fade the realization she isn't breathing takes over, and her mouth opens to gasp at the air. Her hands are angry with marks where the brush dug in too hard. Steam is coming out of the sink and the hot water has long since gone past the point of scalding. Her hands hurt.

Another presence makes itself known when a gentle touch leads her away from the sink and turns off the water. _Josh_, she thinks absently as she sits down at the table, he joins her in the chair opposite of her with a wet towel. When he places it on her hands she sighs at the coolness of it on her skin. The reminder that she needs to keep breathing her only focus. For some reason the thick smell of blood has yet to get out of her nose, and the sting of the forest still burns her arms and legs. She doesn't know if Josh is still with her but she doesn't bother to look away from the phone that lays across the room on the wall innocently.

Suddenly a tapping on her shoulder alerts her of her brother, and she hums in question, though it comes out as more of a croak. She doesn't turn to him and she gets another tap, harder this time, in rebuke. She groans and finally brings her chair around to look at her now standing brother, who is less than three feet in front of her, caging her in to the table with a look of pure-

Hate?

Disgust?

Betrayal?

All three?

Amanda reeled back as her brother came even closer and put his arms on either side of her chair, looking like he was about three seconds away from murder. She'd never seen him so angry before, ever, and tears came up and over before she even understood what was happening.

"I'm sorry!" She wailed.

Josh however, didn't seem to be moved, and huffed in irritation at her childishness. Rough hands clamp onto her shoulders and shake her in silent demand that she gain control of herself again. But her emotions were too far gone and the little girl inside was scared and confused, so resorted to the only thing it knew how to do- crying.

….

_I don't want your money,_

_I don't want your crown,_

_See, I've come to burn your kingdom down…_

…_._

Josh could have slapped Amanda.

It was like all those years meant nothing and the pain that tore at his very bones was the exact same as when he found Petey- broken and dead. It was almost ironic the bodies looked about the same, mutilated in the same horrid fashion that was meant to bestow agony before the animal breathed its last. The work was the same- everything was the SAME- and he could only blame his traumatized sister because he absolutely refused to believe the other possibility. There was no way. Amanda let the dog out, and the thing got itself killed by a bear, there were plenty in this area and dogs and cats went missing all the time because of the wild animals in the woods. It was normal. Just a coincidence, his mind making it seem like it was more than it really was.

Amanda was still sobbing, her head buried in her hands. He let go of her trembling shoulders and stormed away in a blind rage up the stairs. He didn't want to look at her anymore. He just became more and more furious as she pretended this dog actually meant something to her, like she was sad for the dog's death. What a load of bullshit. She never cared for that dog, she HATED that dog. Not that he blamed her for that, he hated it too when his parents first brought it home. Nothing could replace his Petey, not now not ever, but FU grew on him with how loving she was. Every dog wanted love and attention, they starved for it, and when you gave it to them they formed a bond with you that wouldn't be broken- ever.

And he learned to gradually fall in love with the thing despite his better judgment of it. She was so much like Petey, but somehow sweeter to him. He didn't often give her the time of day, but sometimes in the middle of the night, when everyone was asleep, he'd let her in his room and cuddled into her soft fur. He'd coo and silently tell her how great she was, and as if she could read his mind her tail would jump up and down with agreement, and he kept petting her till they both fell asleep.

Amanda either chose not to notice or ignored this treatment. Maybe she felt better not knowing he let this creature into his life, or maybe she hated the dog all the more for it, he didn't really know.

But none of that even mattered now, none of it. It was pointless to have hindsight, the phrase 'I told you so' floating around his mind- sounding strangely like Amanda- and he knew loving that dog was nothing but a mistake.

It seemed their tragic, little family couldn't have anything without it being ripped away, and he was so sick of losing things he cared about.

….

_Holy water cannot help you now,_

_See, I've come to burn your kingdom down,_

_And no rivers and no lakes can put the fire out,_

_I'm gonna raise the stakes, I'm gonna smoke you out…_

…_._

She was aware, and yet she wasn't. Josh had left her cold and alone. She hadn't stopped crying, tears and snot ran freely down her hot face. She couldn't really breathe correctly and her vision was long since blurred to nothing.

She just sat in her own nasty misery.

That dog wasn't what made her cry- she couldn't care less about the stupid dog- it was what it meant. She knew she wasn't fucking crazy. She knew it had to be _him! _It had to be! That phone call, the pizza, the dog. It was his style, his mind games. It reeked of that undead bastard.

But… who would she tell? What could she even do about it? Josh wouldn't understand. She wanted to tell him, but he would break. She couldn't do that to him.

Fighting… she had none of that left. The years of wasting away in self-pity and fear had ruined her chances of fighting. She was weak. A pathetic, little girl who only survived the first round on sheer luck. Now it was time for round two and she wasn't ready for it.

The house around her was silent, and she stopped her sniffling to wipe her face on her ruined shirt, grabbing a handful of cloth to blow her nose on before taking it off and tossing it into the trash. She sat in her jeans and bra, now freezing but far from caring. Goosebumps rise up, and her hands reach to stroke them back down. Her head hurts, a steady pounding from built up pressure.

She's suddenly so _tired. _

She stands up, and reaches for the ceiling, listening to how her back cracks as she stretches. She starts to walk towards the stairs…

When the phone rings.

"_Nooo!_" She whines, and the sudden jerky movements she makes are strangely like a small girl throwing a tantrum.

She doesn't want to answer the phone, she doesn't. But the fear of what will happen to her if she doesn't?

"Hello?" She whispers in the receiver.

"_Hello, Amanda."_

His voice is just like she remembers, cold and beyond chilling.

And it _was_ him, she was sure of it this time.

"Ray…" His name escapes in a rush, heavy and vile on her tongue. She glances around for Josh, making sure he's not in the room. She can't let him know.

"_You guys are pretty bad at answering your phone, you know. Might want to work on that._"

Oh god she wasn't ready for this, she was gonna throw up. She wasn't ready for this. Wasn't at all ready. Help.

"Wh… What do you want?" a whisper.

"_What do __**I**_ _want?" a dark chuckle, "What a loaded question, Amanda. I __**want**_ _a lot of things." _

"Please…"

She wasn't sure what exactly she was pleading for. For him to leave her alone? Her sanity? For a quick death?

"_Hmmm… it's been a loooong time since I've heard you beg, hasn't it? Remember the good old days? I certainly made it a point tonight to bring __**both**_ _of you down memory lane. Hope you weren't too attached to the dog, but you __**do**_ _know the rules."_

She was crying now. Her shoulders shaking as her hand clutched at the wall trying to keep herself grounded. She was losing it.

"What do you want from me?!"

There was a long pause from the other end of the line.

"_... I want revenge, Amanda. I want you to feel the same pain you bestowed upon myself and my people. You heartless bitch. _

"_I. Want. You. To. Feeeeel iiiit."_

….

_Seven devils all around you,_

_Seven devils in your house,_

_See I was dead when I woke up this morning,_

_And I'll be dead before the day is done._

…_._

Author's note: Holy smokes! Why do I do this to myself?! I feel so Bleh after that, so much EMOTION! Yeah, it's a short chapter but next one is the good stuff. Then it's on to even greater things!

Thank you so much to those of you who read, favorited, and reviewed! You guys are awesome! But If I could get a bit more feedback that would probably motivate me to get these chapters up faster. Even a simple "please, more!" would be nice. Or if you have some pointers and such that would also be more than welcome. If you have questions please PM them to me so I have a proper way to get back to you.

Thank you all!

IiR


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: From Shadows

**Warnings: Some minor language **

Disclaimer: I don't own Goosebumps or any of its characters. And I don't make any money off of this fic.

Song used: From Shadows by Jeff and Casey Lee Williams

….

_Born with no life,_

_Into subjugation._

_Treated like a worthless animal,_

_Stripped of all rights,_

_Just a lesser being,_

_Crushed by cruel ruthless Human rule..._

….

When she woke up on the couch the following morning with a cloth resting on her brow, Amanda knew she'd made a mistake. She could hear footsteps in the kitchen, and the murmured voices of her parents that gave life to the otherwise quiet house. The sun was high in the sky and its light broke through the curtains obnoxiously, giving away that she had missed her opportunity to get to school on time.

Amanda pushed herself up weakly from the couch, her arms shaking with the effort it took. Once she stood on unsteady feet, she made her way into the kitchen where both her mom and dad sat at the dining table with their heads drawn together in conspiracy. The looks of shared concern and fear made the rock resting in Amanda's stomach heavier. She knew that look.

Her mother spotted her first. She morphed into the worried parent, and put away the dangerous conspirator for a time when she thought Amanda wasn't listening.

"Hi, honey! How do you feel?" She stood up and came around the table to place a cool hand on her daughter's forehead.

"I'm fine, mom."

Her voice was strained, dry, and cracked out on the word 'mom', the O breaking apart like it turned to dust on her tongue. She needed water. Pushing past her mom, Amanda walked over to the sink and got down a glass to fill up. The feeling of holes being drilled into her head accompanied her the entire time.

"Hey, princess?" Her dad's voice broke the awkward silence.

"What?" She asked.

She turned, glass in hand, and took a swig. It felt good, the water soothing and cold as it went down. She dumped the rest and went to take a seat across from her parents.

"We think it's time you went to see Dr. Grant. We found you this morning… you were passed out by the phone-"

"On the floor." Her mother cut in, as if such a thing wasn't obvious.

"Yeah, you had thrown up. You were just lucky your body fell forwards, otherwise you might have suffocated before we got home."

_That would have been a dignified way to go_, she thought bitterly. When she tried to recall last night her mind just spit out the basics of what had occurred. What she remembered most clearly was the emotions- fear, panic, anger, all of it mixed and coiled in her consciousness like a disease. Other than that, she was at a loss as to what happened before she woke up this morning. Her parents had said she passed out by the phone. After she'd picked it up, and heard Ray's voice coming from the other end, her mind trailed off into nothing.

Things like this had happened before, years ago when they had first escaped the nightmare known as Dark Falls. She had bouts of serious paranoia, though she kept most of it to herself, and would faint on a seconds notice whenever something happened unexpectedly- something dropping or breaking, the lights going out, thunderstorms... anything and everything. It had gotten to the point where she'd break down crying because she couldn't control her fear. Dr. Grant had told her she'd had a serious case of PTSD, and her fainting spells where normal. Her body was reacting to a stress situation in the best way it knew how- shutting down and not dealing with it. It was only with time that the spells took over less and less, until they one day stopped completely. With the years her fear of being attacked had dwindled, and so had her pathetic flight or fight mode responses to everyday occurrences.

That was, until last night. Amanda had a feeling her parents wouldn't take well to this, after all, her constant habit of passing out at every given opportunity had been why they sent her to a psychiatrist in the first place. Now all that time she spent trying to get out of it might have been a waste.

But what could she have said? '_Oh, do you guys remember Ray? Well, he's been calling the house. In fact, just last night he murdered our dog and used its blood to paint the forest'_... yeah that would go over swell. She'd be put into a psyche ward faster than she could say 'crazy'.

"What happened honey? You were doing so well, we both thought you had gotten over… it." Her mother prodded.

"It was nothing, I just thought I saw something outside and it frightened me. It's silly now that I think about it. Sorry I scared you." Amanda tried her best to look ashamed.

She laid it on thick, needing her parents to believe her. She couldn't go back to Dr. Grant, she didn't need to think she was nuts. That man had a horrid habit of making her feel like everything she experienced was just a nightmare, like it was all in her mind and she had to get over it. So right now it was the most important thing that her parents believed what nonsense she told them.

It helped that they wanted to.

"If you say so, hon." Her mom said, smiling sadly.

Her dad didn't let it go so easily however. "Would you just think about seeing Dr. Grant?"

"I'll think about it."

Then there was a thick, uncomfortable quiet. Amanda sat looking down at her hands while her parents gazed at the wall right behind her, fiddling with the twin cups of coffee that had no doubt gone cold by now. Things had been like this ever since the incident, awkward. It wasn't their fault, not really. They were doing what parents did- worry, sit in confusion and not understanding when their children didn't act like adults- and that was fine. But to Amanda and Josh, kids who were sick and tired of being treated like mental cases, they were annoying.

"So…" Her mother tried.

"Yeah?" She asked.

"Josh… seemed upset this morning."

Ah, and here we go. This was going to be extremely unpleasant, and she never had time to come up with a cover story. "That dog-"

"_Our_ dog, sweetie." Mom once again trying to shove the stupid thing's existence onto her.

"Whatever, FU ran away last night. Josh was mad at me because I let it out. It never came back." Good enough for now. What was Josh going to do, _tell_ on her?

"Oh, I see." Her dad nodded. "Well, maybe I'll go look today. But I'm sure she'll wander back in her own good time. She couldn't have gotten far."

_If you only knew_, Amanda grimaced.

"Well, your father and I think you need to stay home today. I've called the school and told them you weren't coming. Try to get better, go up to bed and I'll be up in a few hours with something small for you to eat."

Amanda silently agreed and got up from the table to head to her room. The stairs were a bit rough on her legs but she managed without having to ask for help or taking a nasty tumble. Her room was a welcome sight and she collapsed onto her bed and sank deep into the covers ready to just laze about all day.

She didn't mean to fall asleep…

….

_When it started,_

_All we wanted was a chance to live our lives._

_Now in darkness,_

_Taking everything we want and we will rise…_

….

_She would suddenly be in __**that **__house. It wasn't something that she would gradually become aware of, no fading into existence, just a second of nothing and then there she was, standing right in the middle of the living room of Dead House. A cold would settle with the clarity that she was most definitely dreaming, but it did little to comfort her. Her mind always knew that what she saw in front of her was not real, and yet her body still trembled and sweat poured from her brow. _

_The house looked the same, nothing ever changed, and the fact that she remembered it down to the last little detail frightened her. It didn't look beat up or rotten- just old. It had been well used but also taken care of with the uttermost reverence that one could easily overlook the way it creaked and groaned in the wee hours of the morning- her parents certainly did. They saw nothing wrong with this house, with its invasive eyes and creepy sounds, the feeling of __**wrong**_ _that was weaved into the very foundation. _

_She would be alone for a minute or two, then there would be eyes on her. Her nape would crawl with the reaction of being watched from the shadows, not just _**his** _eyes either… but others as well. They would all be looking at her, trying to pick her apart with their misery and shame. She knew they hated what they were, people would never accept them, they would always be feared for what they had to do to keep living. Most didn't want to do it, but when that time came and the hunger took over there was no room for humanity. And this is what kept them in forever darkness, a purgatory that they dragged others into year after year. They were horrible, a disgrace that would never find forgiveness. They were already damned a thousand time over. _

_The dream would then take a turn for the worst, for now they started speaking. And the human voices, not those of demons or abominations, would cry out to her. _

"_Why did you kill us?"_

"_We were just trying to survive!"_

"_It wasn't going to hurt!"_

"_Why?"_

"_Why?"_

"_Why?!"_

_She never answered, just covered her ears and pretended their voices didn't penetrate to her very core. She would cry without a sound throughout their accusations and agony. Sometimes she would know a name with a face that would suddenly flash from the blackness, and when it hit the feeling of sickness would only increase. _

"_Why couldn't you just understand?"_

_That one hurt more than anything, because she __**did**_ _understand. She knew exactly why they did what they did. Who really wanted to accept the fate of a monster? No one, and these people with their scary faces and accusing words were really just that- people. Humans who were trapped in an unending hell with no way out, and were either stuck murdering once a year or falling to the light of the world. It was sad, truly, but her self preservation and will to live and die in the light kept these feelings of pity at bay. Give herself as a meal? Not willingly. Become like them? Never._

_Then, all at once, they would descend upon her with a vengeance. _

…_._

_Call us liars,_

_Degenerates, and killers,_

_Psychos, heartless, insane criminals,_

_Stupid, mutts and_

_Nothing but pure evil,_

_Primal, bloodshed, is all that's left to do..._

…_._

When she opened her eyes the house was deathly quiet and dark. It took her a few seconds to realize it was nighttime. She glanced at the digital clock on the nightstand beside her bed- 3:43 A.M- was glaring at her in the slight glow of the moon shining through her curtains. Damn. She'd been more tired than she thought.

Her stomach hurt from the hours it had gone without a decent meal. Her throat was bone dry, but she noticed a glass of water next to her clock, probably put there by her mother before she left for work. She grabbed the glass and began to frantically gulp it down. Once the glass was empty, she shakily got out of bed and wandered downstairs.

The house lacked creaking floors, so she was near silent as she got down into the kitchen and began searching for something to eat. There was still leftover pizza in the fridge, so she took out the box and grabbed a piece and started to carefully ingest it. Her stomach growled as if in impatience but she ate slowly, taking small bites and chewing it completely before swallowing. Amanda didn't know if she'd be able to keep anything down, with how long she had gone without food. Without even having to look in a mirror she knew her skin was pale, sickly so, and weakness spread throughout her body. She probably resembled death itself. She was somewhat surprised she hadn't passed out again.

It was about the time the pizza was halfway gone, when a muffled noise rang out above her head. Amanda startled, whipping her head to the ceiling, knowing right over her was her bedroom. She put down the pizza, gulping nervously, her heart beginning to speed up a tad in minor panic.

It could be Josh, she reasoned, or a book that fell over. Perhaps something hanging on her walls came loose? That had to be it…

She listened. Nothing but stillness, but she swore her heart was louder than three world wars, pounding hard into her ear and all through the house. She wanted to move but her feet were cemented to the floor, and her eyes never strayed from the stairs, waiting for something to move down them. An eternity passed, but nothing happened.

Maybe she imagined it?

She waited for a few minutes more, barely breathing, but heard nothing but the wind outside hitting the side of the house. Her whole face was hot, her head light, and her lungs couldn't get enough air, though she was trying her hardest to slow it down so she wasn't so loud.

When nothing else was heard, she decided to go up the stairs, each step cautious. She passed Josh's room, and for a brief moment wanted to wake him up and have him check under her bed and in her closet, but she resisted and continued to her room.

It was just how she left it. Not a thing was out of place, nothing fallen or broken, and not a soul in sight. She still stood in her doorway, not comfortable going in anymore. It didn't feel safe. Her eyes once again went to Josh's door, not ten feet away. She wanted to, but in a moment of pride and anger for once again being a chicken she stepped through into her room.

She was almost to her bed when she heard the faint sound of her door closing.

She froze, but before she could turn to see who was there a cold hand was against her face, covering her mouth and nose. She couldn't breathe. Her hands whip to the wrist wrapped around her head, yanking violently but it refused to budge. The world blurred with hot tears and to her utter embarrassment she was crying again.

There was a dark chuckle right by her ear, the breath tickling it. "Hey, Amanda."

She tried to scream.

….

_Above the darkness and the shame._

_Above the torture and the pain._

_Above the ridicule and hate._

_Above the binding of our fate._

_From shadows,_

_We'll descend upon the world,_

_Take back what you stole._

_From shadows,_

_We'll reclaim our destiny,_

_Set our future free._

_And we'll rise._

…_._

Author's note: Okay, a big warm thank you to my reviewers Personal Change, Opal, and - you guys are awesome!

But they are the only feedback I've been getting… Positive ones anyway. Seriously, I'm not asking for much, just a "Hi, I love this, please keep going" is fine. Or if you have any concerns or questions you can feel free to contact me as well. I just need to know not only three people like this. Does this story suck that bad?

Anyway, this next chapter is when the Ray/Amanda stuff is heavy. So be ready guys!

Till next time,

IiR


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Something I Can Never Have

Disclaimer: I don't own Goosebumps or any of the characters used in this fic

**Warnings: Bumping this up to an M rating for these next few chapters! Be aware that now we get into the heavy stuff guys. **

Song used: Something I can never have by Flyleaf (Cover)

….

_I still recall the taste of your tears_

_Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears_

_My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore_

_Scraping through my head til I don't want to sleep anymore_

….

_Cold… so cold. _

_This feeling... _

There was a sense of awareness, then with it came a throbbing pain in the back of her head. Her eyes were glued shut, probably from crying, and at first she was not alarmed. She had woken up similarly many times before, from nights of terrors and bodily thrashing. She was known to wake up with bruises on her arms and legs, from throwing out her limbs and hitting the bed's headboard or the walls. It wasn't all that unlikely that she had hit her head.

It wasn't until a few minutes more of floating in an in-between of awake and asleep that she came to a chilling realization-

No dreams.

Her eyes snapped open and her body sprang up from the bed in urgency. The room around her was so unfamiliar, and so incredibly dark that she nearly shrieked. Her breaths came out funny, muffled, like she couldn't breathe from her mouth. She brought up a hand and felt a cloth was tied there, and she ripped it off in disgust. What the hell? Where was she?

She couldn't remember.

There was nothing- a big gap between this morning and now. She was at her house, her parents were there, mom said to go rest, she didn't go to school, she fell asleep… then nothing. Was it even the same day? Week? Had she been out for longer? And no dreams. None.

She was afraid.

"H-ello?" Her voice, so small, was practically shot. She hoped she wasn't getting sick, though, her freezing limbs and pounding head told her otherwise.

Amanda looked around the room, and the bed she was on held only sheets, no blanket to cover her body, and no pillows to rest her aching head. The room itself was not big, but bare enough that it seemed rather endless in its entirety. The walls were wood planks ridden with holes and imperfections, some chipping in spots and others looked rotted. It reminded her of some horror film, the abandoned cabin in the woods where the evil spirits were in every crevice wating for the group of stupid teenages in their substance-abused dilirum. She looked around for the guy with the chainsaw to come popping out.

It kind of reminded her of Dead House, with its aged appearance and general creepiness, but this place wasn't normally used, she could tell. Its state was too far gone, the way the very foundation looked to be caving in on itself. It was very pathetic looking.

She listened for any sign that there was someone else, some form of life other than her own, but the total silence she was greeted with made the blood pumping through her so much louder. She swore her heartbeat could be heard for _miles_.

Amanda pulled herself to edge of the bed, and then swung her legs over the side to let her bare feet touch the freezing floor. She was hesitant to actually get up though, fear keeping her sitting, as if the moment she got up all hell would break loose. It was an ominous rock that settled in her chest weighing her down to the bed, the rest of her cold.

If she were honest with herself- listened to the reason lying deep within her mind- she would have known why she was there. But Amanda was never honest with herself. She denied truth and reality as much as she could, it's what kept her entirely sane.

But in this situation denying what was wasn't going to keep her alive.

She recalled a time when something similar rose up in her, like some sort of deep tug in her gut. Perhaps it was instinct, or some desire to keep living, but it was the most selfish part of her. When she learned the truth about the people of Dark Falls, something awoke in her mind that told her that no matter what- she was to live. It didn't matter who was killed in the process, as long as she lived, as long as she made it out intact, nothing else mattered.

Ray… he had something to do with this. She couldn't remember but that mattered little when he was involved. Ray was dangerous, her past experience with him proved as much. His body was young, looking no older than maybe eighteen, but his mind was much more advanced in years. Ray was cunning, and far enough gone from humanity that killing meant very little to him, and Amanda was sure that her life hung in a very delicate balance right now. She had killed his people, killed him even, and forced them to near starvation before doing so. Ray hated her and her family. Of that she was certain.

It was now, trapped and alone as she was, that she realized not telling anyone about Ray's phone call was a terrible mistake. The only people who would have come close to even having a clue of where she was were kept in the dark about the whole thing. Now she would have to rely on herself to get home.

Amanda stood up on wobbly legs, her whole body felt light and rigid, and she tried to walk about the room but only managed awkward stumbles that she felt made far too much noise. She halted and listened- nothing- not even the background noise of nature. Everything was so still it utterly unnerved her. It was like she was the only thing in this world, she was suddenly so _alone._

The door was on the other side of the room, staring directly at her, as if daring her to try opening it. And that probably wasn't too far off. This was Ray's world, and he knew it like any top hunter knew his hunting grounds. She needed to tread carefully, maybe try to find a way through the house before she tried getting out of Dark Falls. It wouldn't do for her to get the upper hand and not know her way out the front door to freedom.

It took five minutes to reach that door, four of them spent gathering nerve, and the last inching her way over to it on weak legs. When her fingers touched the knob, cold and rusty with age, she prayed turning it wouldn't alert the predator that his prey was up and on the move.

Well, she thought, here goes nothing.

….

_You were always the one to show me how_

_Back then I couldn't do the things_

_that I can do now_

_This thing is slowly taking me apart_

_Grey would be the color if I had a heart_

….

From above he watched his pet wander from her temporary room, a grin in place. He had wondered when she would gather the courage to leave the bedroom he'd put her in, thinking he might have even of had the time to patrol once before coming back to check on her. His eyes followed every tiny twitch of her body as she glanced around before taking a few steps into the rather large living room. The layout of the rotting home was simple, not hard to navigate through or find a way out. His Amanda had brains and he knew the first thing she would try was a cautious look around and a note of all the available doors and windows. She would then determine if the house was more than one floor, which it wasn't, and decide if a fall would result in death if she had to jump.

She would then go back to her room and wait for any sign of him or an opening of escape. Though, he suspected she knew the only way to do that would be to detain or kill her jailor, and Ray was certain she wouldn't think twice about throwing him outside on a nice sunny day.

Amanda was a rather strange girl, one minute a demure lamb, and the next a borderline sociopathic nutjob (her brother included). He had never stopped watching the siblings since their rather disappointing escape from Dark Falls and he had to admit, watching them struggle through their young adult lives was the most fun he'd had in years. She and the boy were constantly segregating themselves from other people, especially their parents, cutting ties and emotional bonds that even Ray knew couldn't have been very healthy.

Josh had grown into quite the behemoth for his age, not quite the sniveling, witty brat he was when he was younger. Ray found the boy's loss of speech to be greatly amusing, but was cautious of the male's pure size. Josh may have been traumatized by the experience of Ray's people, but Ray couldn't put it past the kid to snap and go into some berserker mode if pushed in the wrong direction, and he had the strength to kill with his bare hands.

Then there was Amanda...

The girl he remembered from so long ago was the very definition of an awkward teenage girl. She had long, gangly limbs and looked like a newborn calf with the way she carried herself. She didn't have much grace to her at the time, and Ray mistook her for an easy meal. Her eyes were a light brown, almost the same color as her hair, and besides the 'cute-as-a-button' face, she didn't truly have much going for her at that age.

But then months turned into years, and steadily that little girl with a baby-doll face and uncoordinated body became a young women right before his eyes.

He wouldn't call her beautiful. Amanda was far too _tragic_ of a being for that, with her sulky eyes and pouting lips. She slinked around with her tail tucked between slim legs, ears down and body shaking pathetically.

And she was _pathetic_.

The years that separated her from him had turned the once adorable girl into a sniveling mess.

She was pretty, but the gloom that shadowed her gave her face a haunted look, one that darkened underneath her eyes. He knew the poor thing never got any sleep.

But her body was something else entirely. Yes, she was still thin and her legs and arms long, but they were graceful like a dancer's. This gave her a petite, feminine look. Her hair was much lengthier than he remembered and twice as soft, the strands thin but fine and pleasant to touch. She wasn't entirely brown haired, there were streaks of red, maybe even some blond if she was in the sunlight. Her curves were subtle, more like slight distractions in her overall being. She was no hourglass, not a model or a full-figured babe, but she was so entirely female.

When her family had first moved into Dead House, he'd thought nothing of her besides the first initial attraction to her slim body and bright smile. But he was the watcher, and the longer he watched the family, the longer his eyes stayed on Amanda with the girlish figure and unsure gaze. He could tell she wasn't comfortable in her own skin, maybe she thought herself boyish, or perhaps she thought she was fat. He smiled at that.

Watching her now was as much of a delight- maybe even more so- as it was back then. She stumbled through the house, perhaps trying her damndest not to make a peep, but she was so _loud_. Not that she made a whole lot of noise but in such a dead environment the smallest spark of life screamed out like a beacon in the fog. He had been aware she was awake even before she did, and stalked her accordingly. It wouldn't do for his little pet to wander away from him now.

Ray knew what she was doing, the prey was familiarizing herself with the territory. Not that it would make any difference, mind you, but he was content to let her think she was getting away with something naughty. That seemed to be her favorite pastime after all.

_Go ahead little girl, _he thought, _try to run- hide- it doesn't matter. _

A chuckle escaped him, and his Amanda stopped dead in her tracks like a frightened rabbit.

"That's right, sweetheart," He whispered cruelly, claws digging into the soft wood of the beam high above the girl below him.

"_Fear_ me."

….

_In this place it seems like such a shame_

_Though it all looks different now,_

_I know it's still the same_

_Everywhere I look you're all I see_

_Just a fading reminder of who I used to be_

….

It all happened so suddenly. It began with the fleeting tingles on the back of her neck, tiny hairs rising in increasing alarm as the feeling of eyes boring into her blind spot rose in the pit of her stomach. He was here. She could practically taste him in the air along with a domineering presence that let the prey know it was spotted.

She didn't mean to- not really- but one minute she froze, her whole body stopping cold and then there was a whisper. Not something truly noticeable, just a hint of sound- someone talking, and it wasn't until she heard _that_ that her body worked against her and she was _bolting_.

It wasn't part of the plan, but she really couldn't help it. Later on, if she lived long enough to think back, she would scold herself. She had planned to be submissive to Ray, give him a reason to keep her around, play with her. She would surrender to him when he found her, tell him it was a mistake and that she would go back to that awful, little room willingly and from then on wouldn't be any trouble. But when faced with him, alone, in a strange place, her body would be having none of that.

She didn't get very far, she realized rather bitterly, maybe a total of three steps before something heavy dropped from above and crushed her into the ground. But from one set of instincts to another she began to thrash with gusto. If her body couldn't flee, like it so desperately wanted to, she would then fight or die trying.

Somewhere deep within her mind Amanda laughed at the sorry attempt. She couldn't beat Ray in a physical fight. Her tiny and withering shape didn't compare to his rather built, male structure, and she knew this, knew from the moment she woke up that this was going to take cunning, and even then Ray had the advantage.

She was supposed to keep her wits, she was supposed to _think_ and now she was thrashing around blindly like a cornered animal. Dumb move.

"Such a feisty girl."

Harsh hands grab her wrists and slam them in front of her body, her stomach now being forced to the floor, legs- male legs from the feel of them- clamp around her own and soon she's helplessly trapped. Her eyes instinctively dart from side to side, her head turning in an attempt to keep the danger in her line of sight. He had perfect access to the back of her neck.

"Now, now..." He leaned down to whisper in her ear, and was delighted when she trembled beneath him. "What have I got?"

She stilled, a mouse resigned to its fate in the claws of the cat, and waited for death.

"Me thinks I caught a little bird." His hands tightened around her wrists painfully.

"Pl-please." Amanda whimpered.

"Tut-tut, little dove, don't you know?"

A scream as one of her wrist were snapped clean in half.

"Mercy holds no value here."

He was all around her, everywhere, everything. For some reason the realization of why her nighttime terrors never came was suddenly so fucking simple. She was living them.

"Welcome to _Hell."_

…_._

_You make this all go away _

_You make this all go away_

_I'm down to just one thing_

_And I'm starting to scare myself_

_You make this all go away_

_You make this all go away_

_I just want something_

_I just want something I can never have_

_I just want something I can never have_

…_._

Author's note: Holy shit- yes I did indeed just do that, wow I'm a bitch.

Sooo… How did you guys like it?

I oddly have nothing to say about this chapter. Well, maybe an apology to Amanda but other than that? Naw.

Hope you guys enjoyed! If you have any comments or questions don't hesitate to PM or review. And again, this is where the darker stuff will begin to show up, from the next chapter I'll bump this up to an M rating.

A special thanks to all who reviewed and favorited! You guys are so awesome!

Till next time!

IiR


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: It Feels Like Falling

**Warnings: Triggers for suicide, talk of self-harm **

Disclaimer: I don't own Goosebumps or any of its characters

Song used: Much Like Falling by Flyleaf

….

_When I said good morning_

_I was lying,_

_I was truly thinking of…_

_How I might quit waking up_

….

When Amanda next opened her eyes, she was once again staring at the dull ceiling of the old bedroom. She was propped up in the tiny bed and her arm now lay in a very poor excuse of a sling, her wrist throbbing quite painfully through the bandage she was sure was wrapped so tight it was cutting off circulation. All of her hurt, not too badly, but the reminder of what had happened before she was forced into unconsciousness was in the form of black and blue bruises, starting from her thighs all the way to her head. Ray had not been kind to say the least. She could still hear his sneering voice right before he grabbed the back of her head and slammed it forward onto the ground. She blacked out soon after.

Now that she was awake, the situation she now found herself in festered in the forefront of her mind. She was trapped, alone, and now injured. Amanda scolded herself for being so stupid. You didn't run very fast or far with a concussion and a broken arm.

Slowly, she experimented with her limbs- besides the fractured wrist and bruises she didn't find anything too daunting which was a relief- and sighed when the damage report came back okay for the most part. She could probably work with this, it wasn't perfect, maybe if she was better at math she would say her odds were possibly thirty- seventy at best but it was something- it was hope if nothing else.

"Oh, I see you're awake."

Startled, Amanda whipped her head to the doorway, or rather, the very familiar person that now stood in it.

"...Karen?"

The girl smiled politely, and Amanda found it incredibly disturbing she hadn't changed a bit these past few years. It was six years ago all over again, that day she stepped out of their family's minivan and looking up into their new home at Dark Falls- the house as ugly as it was daunting. Looking at Karen now though, knowing what she was, did make her look _different_.

Karen was very pretty, all blue eyes and long, flowing locks that stretched down her back in waves. She was a little short but not stocky, a healthy weight really, and all this combined made her look like a porcelain doll. But despite this natural beauty the living-dead girl was quite the ghostly figure when one knew what to look for. Her skin wasn't pale, it was the color of ash, a very light grey, almost bluish color like that of a corpse that sat in a frozen wasteland too long. Her hair didn't have the sheen of something alive either, and instead of the dazzling shine it should have had, it only sat dully upon her head, like withering, dry hay. The eyes were the most glaring give away though, a fine glossy coat over each one, not only diluting the color but making the white of the eyes look more yellow.

This overall just made the poor girl look very sickly.

They all had that look to them, though, her and her family failed to notice it when they first arrived. Looking back, knowing what she did now, Amanda found their naivety to the whole situation to be incredibly stupid, how could they have missed all those details? Though, she supposed that when you weren't looking for something... you just didn't find it.

God, her family… would they even figure it out? Was she really on her own in this or would Josh, perhaps, put two and two together and rush to Dark Falls guns blazing?

_No-_ it was a nice thought, though.

Amanda watched wearily as the girl grabbed a chair from just outside the door and dragged it over to the side of the bed. She then took a seat and folded her hands gently across her lap.

"I see Ray was a bit rough." She observed, eyes traveling down to the pathetic sling with an odd glint that Amanda couldn't place.

"Yeah, he's a real sweetheart."

Karen seemed to find her bitterness funny, for her eyes crinkled in amusement as a tiny smile lit up her face.

"Ray has a tendency to go overboard, I will admit, but you should have known better than to fight back."

Karen had always been a mystery to Amanda. She wasn't a very personable girl, and all of their interactions when her family lived in Dead House seemed incredibly forced. No matter how big the girl smiled, there was always a coldness in her eyes. Amanda wouldn't say Karen was socially awkward, far from it, but she was definitely not as friendly as she tried to put on.

"Why he has decided to bring you back is beyond my understanding," She continued. "But know I am not pleased with your presence here, and neither are the others. Ray is your only security blanket as long as you remain here, Amanda, so treat him with respect."

"Are you kidding me?" Amanda spat. "You all are crazy if you think for one second I'll just lay down and accept this! You're monsters! You're-"

With incredibly terrifying speed, a small hand wrapped around her throat and slammed her head backwards onto the bed. -_What have I done?- _It was all so quick, so effortless. Her mind began to race. This wasn't the ideal way to go, in fact she would have preferred escaping, but this, to her, was just as good.

-_Yeah… This could be the only way out...-_ She realised that escape would be pointless, especially after Karen's little speech about how she and the others didn't like that she was there, the unspoken message very clear-

You leave Ray's sight, you die.

The people of Dark Falls were waiting for their opportunity to give back what they received, and she had no doubt it would include _interest._ So, after coming to this conclusion, Amanda decided she would much rather die by her own choice, and Ray was not going to be her knife- fuck that, no-

Karen was.

The tiny hands began to squeeze dangerously around her throat and Amanda's eyesight became incredibly fuzzy, the small room blurring around the angelic face of the girl now straddling her waist. The panic was starting to rise with every labored breath she took, and soon the world went dark.

"Playing with my toy, Karen?"

Hearing that voice broke through her panic and replaced it with malice. No! She was so close to getting away from him! She was so fucking _close_!

She was released instantly. Surroundings came back into focus and with them the image of Ray standing in the doorway, looking incredibly pissed.

The weight of Karen was off of her in a millisecond and she took in a few desperate lungfuls of air, coughing rather violently. It hurt to breathe.

"My apologies, she just said something that displeased me."

Ray stepped fully into the room, his eyes never straying from Karen who now stood in the corner with her head bowed. Amanda startled when she felt a hand on her head, gently stroking her hair, Ray now standing beside her prone form on the bed, towering above her. Somewhere inside her mind she was shocked he could move so fucking _fast_, yet somewhere else in there she scolded herself for always underestimating Ray because he had the body of a pale, eighteen year old boy. She didn't quite know what to make of this situation, her only memory of Ray's and Karen's interactions with each other had been friendly, almost warm, but that was when they were putting on a show for her and her family, who knew how they really acted when they weren't pretending.

"I thought I made it very clear that I wanted you to _watch_ her, I never said anything about _entertaining_ her. It was your own fault you let her get the better of your emotions. What were you expecting dear Karen, a warm welcome?"

Ray's finger began to glide through her locks, combing her hair. It made her eyes droop.

"What are you even doing with her Ray?" Karen demanded, eyes peeking under her lashes to watch him. "She doesn't belong here if she's not going to be used as food. You know that."

"She's here because I want her here. I don't need any other reason."

"Compton will never allow her to stay-"

"Dawes will _allow_ whatever _I _decide. In case you've forgotten, little girl, _I'm_ the one who provides your food for you, _I'm_ the one who makes sure everyone in this godforsaken town lives to see the next year. Don't you think I deserve some form of… _payment_ for my services?"

Amanda listened, things starting to connect within her mind. Karen, and from the sound of it there were others, wanted her gone. It seemed Ray was nearly alone in his corner, and all she had to do… Yes, that was okay. She had no hope of reaching her family again. She had no help from her brother or her parents this time around, she was alone.

A suicide mission was almost _fitting_.

Fear of death was something that hadn't bothered Amanda in a long time. The escape from Dark Falls taught her that death wasn't the worst thing out there, there were greater punishments- and far more gruesome realities. Like the one standing before her. She would gladly take death over forever having to eat people to live.

Two years ago, Amanda had hit rock bottom, and like now she recalled the utter lack of desire to live. She had come home one day to an empty house, or so she thought. Her parents were working and Josh had stayed after school for some extra help on his homework assignment. She kicked the dog out into the backyard so she could sit in silence and not have to listen to the whining outside her bedroom door (FU tended to get needy when Josh wasn't home). She padded up the stairs to her bedroom and sat down heavily on her bed, and listened... that had been her mistake. Silence was something Amanda never thought could shake her so unbelievably to her very core. It was so… _calming_, and _comforting, _that for one moment tears threatened to spill from her eyes and her body trembled with the sheer emotion that _drained_ away like sand through fingers.

_Why am I doing this to myself?_ She'd thought blankly, and without really thinking got up and went downstairs to the kitchen where she got out a kitchen knife- and slashed both her wrists.

She guessed her mistake was remaining standing while her eyes followed the streams of blood to the floor, her body just couldn't remain standing when losing so much blood, and her head spun before her legs gave out and she hit the floor in a heavy heap. That was loud enough to alert Josh (who'd decided that asking for help on an assignment was useless when he wasn't able to _ask _and decided to come home early), who ran downstairs to see what had happened, and found his sister in a small pool of blood.

She wasn't sure how he managed, but somehow she woke up in a hospital bed with her family standing over her, all of them wearing the same haunted look. Needless to say her parents pushed for counseling more than ever, and like everything else, never spoke of what she had been doing in the kitchen that night, pushing it under their rug of family woes to never be revisited.

That feeling she had felt that night had never really went away after that. Even now she didn't want to live anymore, not really. What she did now wasn't really living anyway, she went to school, came home to a house with a broken family, did her homework and maybe grabbed something to eat before going to bed and suffering a night of terrors. It was the same routine day in and day out, and quite frankly she was too tired to do it anymore. Even if she did escape again, by some miracle it would only result in falling back into the same damn routine that was slowly killing her anyway.

Those awfully gentle fingers finally left her head as Ray turned abruptly, heading for the doorway.

"I'll be back in a couple hours. Watch her closely Karen, and remember if she does escape... I'll blame _you_ personally."

She could see the girl tense from the corner of her eye, and for some reason that made her smile, if only briefly.

Then Ray, without even turning around, said "And I better come back to her in the same condition I left her in. If, for some unfathomable reason, her petty words really make you that upset just wait out here for me and lock the door… And Amanda? If you do so happen to get a small spark of defiance, be ready for a punishment when I return."

And her fire died just like that.

….

_Feels so much like falling_

_Dying while I wait to die_

_The fear of something or nothing_

_Lonely, empty lie…_

….

AN: Sorry for the wait, I've just hit a bit of writer's block over the past few months. And I'm going on vacation in a few days, so maybe the next chapter will be out faster than planned.

Please take the time to review for me, it really helps to motivate me, and I love hearing what you all think of my story. A big thanks to all who took the time to review that last chapter, you all are amazing and if you log in I will try to PM you to tell you what an awesome person you are!

Till next time!

IiR


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Pretty When You Cry

**Warnings: NON-CON in this chapter! You all have been warned! If you can't handle it don't read it! Please!**

Song: Pretty when you cry by Lana Del Rey

….

_All the pretty stars shine for you my love._

_Am I that girl… that you dream of?_

…_._

Karen left the room shortly after Ray, and she wasn't sure if she missed the girl or not. Sitting in a tiny room with only your thoughts was a bit daunting, maybe even a little boring. Not to mention how utterly drained she was. Ray had definitely given her something to think about.

It was clear she was fucked no matter how she went about this. Escape meant death, getting caught meant punishment, and sitting here meant a fate worse than both. She certainly couldn't fight them by herself, and trying to contact any outside help was probably impossible if her memory served correctly. What was she to do?

For a brief moment her eyes looked down at the bed sheets. It would be simple, ripping them apart and making a rope…

Amanda rubbed her face, and somewhere deep down she was ashamed of herself. She didn't use to be like this. She used to be happy, she used to laugh, she used to _live_. Now she sat in a dark, cold room contemplating if she could hang herself with nasty bed sheets. What happened? She glared at the door. Oh, she knew damn well who she could easily blame, that was obvious… But could she really use that as an excuse?

_Stop it, what's the point of thinking like this? Focus! _

Okay, bed sheets were a maybe. If she couldn't find another way that's how she would end it. It was a quick and simple solution, and she liked those. If she didn't want to go about it that way there was always suicide by the living dead, which would probably be a hell of a lot more painful but perhaps a sure-fire way to really guarantee her death warrant was signed.

_Yes, death may be my only way out now…_

….

_I'm stronger than all my men,_

_Except for you_

…_._

Josh sat on the sofa in the living room surrounded by police officers. They had been in and out since last night after his parents called the station to report Amanda missing. At first, they had been sceptical due to Amanda's long history of mental illness and told his parents she had probably just run away and would be back before dawn. But to Josh's own surprise his mother had come alive. The woman he had come to call his 'absent optimist' suddenly reared her determined head and grabbed the phone right out of her stunned husband's hand.

"_I don't care what __**you**_ _think! This is __**my**_ _daughter and I'm telling you she's never done this before. I think I would know my own child. Now get someone over here to investigate a missing person or I __**will **__be showing up to the station and getting ahold of someone who is willing to help me!" _

His mother had been _irate_, and practically tore the officers in two by the time it was over and done with. They had gotten pictures of Amanda, and discussed possible suspects- people who didn't like Amanda, people who had a grudge, people that she possibly owed money too, etc.- were all gone through and analyzed. It didn't help that the list was pretty slim. The only people Amanda had had any contact with in the six years that they'd been here had been her family. She had no friends, enemies, or even acquaintances. She was a loner, and therefore the cops deduced there must have been some activity going on behind his parent's backs.

"And you're both sure she hasn't been seeing people when you're not here?"

"Positive." His mother replied to the puggy officer who looked borderline bored with the whole situation.

"But ma'am, from my understanding you both are gone practically all day and long into the night. It wouldn't be impossible for the girl-"

"Amanda," his mother interjected with a glare.

"Right, Amanda. It wouldn't be possible for Amanda to sneak off and hang out with people when you're not here to watch her."

Josh swore his mother's eyes went black.

"Listen you, I might be a bad parent, hell- I might be the worst mother in history! But I know my baby girl, and she didn't '_sneak off' _to go do whatever the hell it is kids do these days to fuck up their lives! My baby is too shy and far too sad to even make it through a school day! I'm telling you someone took her away from me! And I want her _back_!

Tears were streaming down her cheeks and her hands came up to cover her face as she broke down into sobs. His father pulled her trembling form into his chest as her cries grew louder, and Josh forced his head down to avoid looking at her. He couldn't find it within himself to really feel bad for his mother, and that made him feel funny- a strange mixture of hate and sadness.

He wanted to scream and pound his fists into something until they bled. _You did this! If you only cared this much before! You could have protected her! _

But instead he sat on the couch and stared blankly at his broken, little family.

He missed Amanda. It had only been a day since her disappearance but for him it felt like years had separated them. She was the only person who truly understood him for what he was, and didn't push him for things he wasn't comfortable doing. In a way, she had become his other half, his voice and confidence. Though she had very little to spare. Without her, he was completely alone.

He watched as his mother gave in and fell to her knees, her sobbing only gaining volume and made the two officers as well as his father shift from foot to foot uncomfortably. The sight was truly pathetic. They were all tired, beaten, and emotional, but Josh for once wasn't at a loss of what to do and stood up from the couch. He went over to the cowering form on the floor and kneeled down beside his mother, putting a thick arm around her shaking shoulders and pulling her into him. The woman stopped crying for the briefest of moments, as if in shock at what was happening, before she continued with a fierceness. Her hands clutched at his shirt and pulled with all her might, as if she needed to be grounded. He let her tears soak him, let her hands tear at his clothes, let her nails bite his skin, let her mourn. For the first time in a long time, Josh let his mother heal.

….

_I'll wait for you, babe,_

_It's all I do, babe,_

_Don't come through, babe,_

_You never do._

_Because I'm pretty when I cry._

…_._

She had fallen asleep, and woke up to a loud crash from outside the door. Amanda jumped off the bed and cautiously made her way to the other side of the room, leaning her head against the cool wood, pressing her ear there to listen. There was silence. She stood there, listening without so much as breathing, but only the distant roar in her ears from the beating of her heart sounded in the house.

She finally exhaled. "It wasn't anything, calm down."

Her first mistake was turning her back on the door.

The second was climbing into the bed.

Her final one was when her eyes closed.

….

_I can't do it, I can't do it,_

_But you do it well. _

….

It started with the terrible sound of a door slamming open. Amanda's eyes blearily took in the scene of Ray standing in the light now shining into the dark room. His eyes were blank, glaring knives piercing her heart from the measly seven feet separating them. Not that it separated them for very long.

There was an exhale of breath and then Ray's form was on top of her, pinning down her limbs with his own. She couldn't even scream. Just another small puff of strangled air before cold lips crushed her own in a an unforgiving kiss. There was teeth, tongue, and blood- her first kiss she realized dully. Her body only fought for a whopping minute or two before it gave out, and by then her clothes had been removed.

Ray wasn't naked, had only unzipped his jeans.

Amanda turned her face away from him so she didn't have to see those blank eyes. But then cool lips were caressing her ear, whispering vile things.

"Mhhh, my sweet, little dove. You're going to feel so _good_."

"Are you my slut Amanda? Of course you are. I even bet you love it too, don't you darling."

"Ohhh, how I've _**longed**_ for this."

And then there was a blunt, hard, thing rubbing down in her most intimate area. It was searching for her opening, pushing and bumping around like a blind man. Finally Ray managed to touch the hole of her vagina, and Amanda could only lie there in stark horror as the thickened cock tried to force its way in. He wasn't gentle, and she wasn't the least bit aroused, and Ray suddenly found himself fighting an uphill battle. It wouldn't feel good for either of them like this.

"Looks like I gotta step up my game, little dove."

Amanda didn't know what he meant by that until she felt two fingers try to force themselves into her mouth. She roughly pulled her head away, and violently snapped her jaw shut. Ray would have none of it though, and grabbed her face with one hand, pressing his fingers into her cheeks to pry her mouth open. When he succeeded he finally slipped two digits in and swirled them around.

"Bite down on my fingers, Amanda, and you'll regret it."

Once his fingers were coated in slick saliva he ripped the digits from her mouth and brought them down to her opening. She cried out as they roughly shoved in and began pumping in and out.

The tears finally began to fall.

_Oh god…_

_Help me! _

….

Author's note: I know, I said this chapter would be out weeks ago. I'm sorry, life sorta just happened and I haven't been able to finish this until now. But do let me know what you all think.

Thanks for your patience! You guys are awesome!

IiR


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Savages

Warnings: Heavy chapter guys, be prepared

Song used: Savages by Marina and the Diamonds

….

Murder lives forever

And so does war

It's survival of the fittest

Rich against the poor

At the end of the day

It's a human trait

Hidden deep down inside of our DNA

….

Something was wrong with her. Amanda opened her eyes and could tell by the stickiness of her lids that she had been crying in her sleep again. That was normal, and in some ways even okay, but that wasn't what was wrong.

She tried to move- tried to sit herself up on the tiny bed.

She couldn't.

Her whole lower body burned with pain, and a cry escaped her cracked lips. Everything hurt. God why did everything hurt?

"Help," a whisper in the cramped room. Her lips were bleeding, she tasted the rusty flavor of blood.

Wetness on her cheeks, salty rust in her mouth.

"_What a good girl"_

"_Open up pretty dove"_

"_Surrender"_

"_Give up"_

His voice was right in her ear again. Amanda wanted to rip it out of her head, like a scab off of a wound. Tear it right off to let herself float away.

"_Give up…"_

That meant death didn't it.

Did she want that?

"_You won't feel a thing"_

She heard a sound, a creak and a thud. It was so loud in her head she felt dizzy, the sounds bouncing around her skull, her head pounding. Her blurry vision landed on the now open doorway, and to the little girl standing in it.

"Ray really did a number on you."

"Can you stand?"

"Amanda, can you hear me?"

She was suddenly right there, all Amanda could see. Her eyes were blue. Karen. Karen was there and she was touching her shoulder.

"_Kill_ me."

Karen's eyes widened.

"...No."

"**Please**."

The girl looked away, now staring at the battered body on the bed. Most of the wounds were superficial at best, maybe some more serious bruising around the girl's thighs but none of which wouldn't heal within a few weeks. Ray might have been a bit cruel but he didn't torture the girl. She would be fine within a few days, might even be able to stand by tomorrow morning. There wasn't an ounce of pity as she looked over the older-looking girl.

"You'll be fine, Amanda. I suggest you learn to listen to Ray. And I suggest you learn quickly. This is your own fault."

She left.

….

Is it running in our blood

Is it running in our veins

Is it running in our genes

Is it in our DNA

Humans aren't gonna behave

As we think we always should

Yeah, we can be bad as we can be good

….

Her own fault…

Really? Was it really her fault?

That Ray was a monster, that these people were monsters. Was that her fault?

Was it her own fault that she was raped?

_**Really**_?

….

Underneath it all, we're just savages

Hidden behind shirts, ties and marriages

How could we expect anything at all

We're just animals, still learning how to crawl

….

**No**.

….

Truth is in us all, cradle to the grave

We're just animals still learning to behave

….

She knew where the blame laid. She knew who to hate. She _knew_ now.

And she was out for blood.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Blinding

Warnings: Trigger warnings for **rape**, please don't read if you find this subject too difficult to talk about.

Song used: Blinding by Florence and the Machine

….

Seems that I have been held, in some dreaming state

A tourist in the waking world, never quite awake

No kiss, no gentle word could wake me from this slumber

Until I realize that it was you who held me under

….

The first thing Amanda did was cry. After finally being able to sit herself upright in the bed, she heavily leaned back into the wall and let the emotions go. It started out silently enough, with only the occasional gasp for breath, but soon her voice could stand it no longer and her lungs let loose a wail. A burn in her eyes kept the tears flowing down to soak what was left of her shirt, the rest making a trail down her stomach. Amanda cried until she didn't have anymore to give. Her throat ached, and mucus clogged it to the point her mournful sobs gave way to a violent coughing fit.

Soreness still plagued her, but the worst of it was over. There were cuts and bruises, but she would manage, somehow. She had to. For her sake, and what was left of her sanity, she needed to pull her pathetic self together again. Even if it was only for a week- enough time to get as far away from here as she could.

After her hysterical outburst, Amanda listened in the tense silence for any sign that someone had heard and was coming to her room. Nothing. Ray had not made an appearance in three days, and it seemed he had left babysitting to Karen. She came in twice a day, once with food, and another for a bathroom break. Amanda only got one a day, so she used that time to empty her bladder and bowels as much as she could. The food normally wasn't that great either, just enough to get her through till the next day. She had figured she had only been here for five days at most, but her body was already showing signs of malnourishment due to her lack of health before arrival.

Once she was sure no one was coming to check in on her, Amanda attempted to accomplish the second item on her mental list: get out of bed. Her goal wasn't even to walk around, but to just stand without falling flat on her ass. It was small, yes, but she needed the small victories at this point. She needed to win _something_.

It turns out it wasn't as difficult as she thought it would be. Her legs were practically jelly, but other than a noticeable soreness from lack of moving for three days she was fine. She would live. For now anyway. She wouldn't die from the rape, if anything.

The rape… She was raped. That word suddenly seemed so loud in her thoughts, sharp and banging on the sides of her skull like a horrendous migrane. It pushed and shoved, pounding all around while clawing her brain for an outlet. She felt the need to say it outloud.

"Rape."

It wasn't as piercing when she said it to the empty room. Amanda decided she really liked that, it made her chest burn. She said it again.

"I was raped."

"Raped."

"_Rape_."

When no tears came, just a slight tingle at the corner of each eye, a bubble of excitement creeped in. Only a bit, though. It was tiny in her belly, certainly not enough to stomp away the ickiness that flooded all over, but it felt so good. The kind of good that made your mind stop buzzing for a second and enjoy the fact that something was going your way.

It had been going on for a while, she suddenly realized. This feeling of heavy water crushing her, this had been happening for… years? Yeah, that long. That _fucking_ long.

But she was up, standing in a cramped, dark room. In her own personal nightmare. But at least she was standing.

For now…

….

Felt it in my fist, in my feet, in the hollows of my eyelids

Shaking through my skull, through my spine and down through my ribs

….

Josh knew who was responsible for his sister's disappearance, and he was convinced he even knew where she was being held. If she was still alive, that is.

He knew from the moment he found that dog's mangled body who had returned from the past. It was too much of a coincidence to be anything else. Josh wasn't stupid, and the pieces clicked the moment he woke up to his mother on the phone frantically calling the neighbors, while his father had taken out the family car to scour the town. The phone calls, the dead dog, his uneasy sister, it all made sense now.

_He _had been here.

There was no other explanation at this point, it all felt too sickeningly familiar. Personal somehow. That rat had been in his house, had taken Amanda back to Dark Falls.

And what he did to her there was anybody's guess.

Josh wanted to hold on to the hope that his sister was still alive, but it had already been almost a week since her disappearance. She was surrounded by people who lived on by killing, and he was sure his family was at the top of their most wanted list.

But if that were true, why had they just taken Amanda?

This didn't make sense to him, when he really broke it down. Why just Amanda? Why not their whole family?

Perhaps Ray was trying to lure them back to Dark Falls? But then, wouldn't he have left some sort of clue as to where he had taken his sister, some form of ransom note?

There was none of that, not a trace as to what happened or where they were going. Just an empty bedroom and open window.

Josh watched his parents from the living room, where they were perched at the kitchen table. Old phone books with relatives numbers were strewn all around them. They had opened up the laptop too, to see if family members who couldn't be reached by phone could be reached by Facebook. Josh's mother hadn't really slept in days, and neither had his father. Both of them had taken time off of work, so they were home around the clock for the first time in years. Josh still couldn't decide if he liked it or not.

His mother had been babying him constantly this past week, which was almost new for him. He couldn't remember the last time she had asked him what he wanted for dinner, or her serving up a plate and bringing it to him. She now would come up to say goodnight, and would even come and sit by his bedside to stroke his hair until he fell asleep.

It was all so very strange, and yet so very sad.

If he had been able to, josh would have asked where this hidden comfort and love had been hiding all this time. He'd take joy in seeing his mother's face shrink up in hurt, knowing exactly what he was getting at. Both of their parents had been incredibly distant, and lacking as of late. And now that one of their children had disappeared it was if they suddenly remembered how to be parents again.

Now that it was too late.

For their sake, his sister better be returned home alive and well. Because if he found out she died without ever getting to experience this kind of lost love that their parents had denied them for so long…

He was going to lose that last bit of sanity.

….

No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone

No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden

No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world

….

Karen had been by not ten minutes ago with her daily plate of nutrients. The food they fed her was dry, crumbly with a touch of staleness from just being left on a shelf to wither away. Amanda tried her best to swallow every last bite of the stuff. She would need her strength. She needed to build her body back up. So, with cautious and languid bites, she chewed up the food all the while plotting her escape.

One door out of the room, then one more after that to the outside of the house. From there she had to determine where exactly this place was in relation to the rest of the town. To get out of the room when Ray was the one to walk through the door was a useless idea. She wouldn't be able to win in a fight against him. So the next option was Karen. She was smaller, therefore weaker and an easier target, maybe not by much but any hope was still hope in her favor.

She spent the next half hour trying to convince herself that she could do this. That she would be able to succeed, she just needed to try. That's all that was needed from her. She just had to _try_.

_But _when she was in this kind of situation last time it was different. She had Josh, she had help. There was no such thing this time around, and on top of everything else she didn't have enough strength to do this all on her own. She was just one person against a group of thirty, possibly more. There was no way in hell this was going to work.

She paused, taking a deep breath to calm her racing heart.

"I just need to try…"

….

And all my bones began to shake, my eyes flew open

….

Author's note: hey guys, it's been a while... I know.

Please, you guys have been silent since last chapter, and I would like to know what's going through your minds. Am I still doing well? How are you feeling about this whole shitty situation? Let me know with some wonderful reviews! I miss hearing what you guys think!

IiR


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